illusory clarity

Your heavy heartbeat is deafening us both, yet it makes me feel safe.

This is all illusory: your heart does not sing my name.

If I were to fall, you would not be able to catch me; bones would shatter, and I would be dumber than I already am.

There are times when I simply can’t face your face.

Time again, your smile simultaneously builds and destroys.

Everything is out of focus – but you. You don’t see me, though

OPAQUE

a loss that never was

we did not exist. still, i was alone. the lessons he taught me; they showed me the truth. he educated me in the art of loneliness – paving the way – there was no future for us.

we did not start and we did not end. never were we ever. and that was okay. warmth and a blush of red – what more could i have needed at the time?

such softness in you both that i could not look away; the same error i would repeat had you not firmly told me “no”. you are my two: you held the view that i was not strong enough to support. i acknowledge that we never could be because we are not better together, and that alone would be cause to sever.

let sleeping dogs lie

thoughts of the daysidebec.jpg

  • the way you see someone can change all too quickly – sometimes you are soft, light, and deep. other times, your eyes do not meet mine and you are cold
  • filling the void of loneliness with other people is probably not healthy but i still continue to do so
  • travelling solo gave me the freedom to be myself, unapologetically so. so why do i suddenly feel all too unlike myself when i stay in one place?
  • i can’t forget the way you used to make me feel
  • i no longer feel the same way about you

this chemistry has been compromised

Pressure, press down.

This toxic mist is increasing

the strain on our cleft.

Choke, splutter; chisel it out from your lungs.

I must accept that I am on the cusp

of forgiving you, bereft casket.

 

My tinny expulsion is scraping out the excess

of our fragile lining.

It is not an easy task and I feel sick.

I peel you back to the quick;

put on this mask, we are on the brink

of collapse.
 

A fissure of spoiled tissue

engenders haemorrhage.

Warning: This Chest Is Sinking!

Raise the alarm; we are suffocating.

Caution wanes – I corrupt this.

This chemistry has been compromised.

 

 

 

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