The repression of his negative first

impression.

he created an illusion of kindness and caring, when the reality

of his plight was anything but. He was cutting with his thoughts, but spoke

only soft words — perhaps to conceal his feelings, or to give off the semblance

of having any human feelings.

 

 

daily prompt

 

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the travel plans

I have changed my travel plans slightly.

I will fly back to the UK for one month in May, and then return back to Thailand – where I will stay in Bangkok for a few days. I will then catch a flight to Auckland from there, rather than spend a month or two in Thailand. Reasons for this include:

  1. it is cheaper to fly in June
  2. I can pack mostly a winter wardrobe – aka more city appropriate clothing
  3. I don’t have to worry about storing my stuff somewhere, as I wouldn’t want to lug around NZ clothing/items
  4. it is time to start the new chapter in my life
  5. the SE Asian adventure ends, the NZ one begins!

thoughts of the day

  • i have booked a flight back to london in may to visit family & friends for one month before returning to thailand
  • there’s a lump in my throat that makes it hard to breathe and it is because you keep making me feel tense and afraid and not good enough. over and over again
  • i will then spend another month or two in south east asia before going to new zealand to live & work
  • you didn’t put in the effort, so i gave up on you. it shouldn’t come as a shock to you that i no longer want you in my life
  • i really love my bottle green jumper. it’s so lovely and snug
  • buy a new menstrual cup when i get back in the UK
  • tenderness and affection will always be feigned by you
  • stop and breathe
  • order new bank card with later expiry dates
  • extend and renew travel insurance
  • i am grateful for my friends. the ones who are actually supportive and there for me

at the core

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for as long as i can remember, i have always

identified myself based on my relationships with other

people. one day, my spirit was awakened, and i

realised that i could still be me without

someone else to affirm my worth. i began to unravel, slowly,

from the outside, in. soon the artifice ebbed away

from my little core, and my authentic being was finally

free.

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