I replay it. Over and over.

In my head, I can’t make it stop.

You never go away, but you were never really there.

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illusory clarity

Your heavy heartbeat is deafening us both, yet it makes me feel safe.

This is all illusory: your heart does not sing my name.

If I were to fall, you would not be able to catch me; bones would shatter, and I would be dumber than I already am.

There are times when I simply can’t face your face.

Time again, your smile simultaneously builds and destroys.

Everything is out of focus – but you. You don’t see me, though

OPAQUE

a loss that never was

we did not exist. still, i was alone. the lessons he taught me; they showed me the truth. he educated me in the art of loneliness – paving the way – there was no future for us.

we did not start and we did not end. never were we ever. and that was okay. warmth and a blush of red – what more could i have needed at the time?

such softness in you both that i could not look away; the same error i would repeat had you not firmly told me “no”. you are my two: you held the view that i was not strong enough to support. i acknowledge that we never could be because we are not better together, and that alone would be cause to sever.

at the core

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for as long as i can remember, i have always

identified myself based on my relationships with other

people. one day, my spirit was awakened, and i

realised that i could still be me without

someone else to affirm my worth. i began to unravel, slowly,

from the outside, in. soon the artifice ebbed away

from my little core, and my authentic being was finally

free.

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